Welcome back to the next post in the Fabulous Fiction Fridays series!
Last week we saw how so much can be achieved in so few words through the art of Microprose, and we’ll be going down that road again for today’s post.
I believe that it’s so important that we support and share each other’s work, so without further ado…
The raw-boned woman gasped for air, smelled death.
The dust in the stuffy cell resembled the white fog waiting to knock the wind out of her lungs.
The first window let fresh air in.
Life made a mass entry.
This piece is so on-point in its descriptions, making the contrast between life and death so very clear. The stale surroundings of the cell connote death, the woman even smells it. She’s raw-boned, almost like a skeleton, all skin and bone.
The dust is another nice addition to show the passage of time and the dirt present. It takes on a violent form ‘waiting to knock the wind out of her lungs’. The sense of struggling to breath and claustrophobia is perfectly present and written so very well.
We, the readers, are able to gather all of this information purely from the descriptions. This is a real talent.
The revelation of the window brings relief not only to the main character but also to the reader. The tense atmosphere of the first two sentences is no more and a rush for fresh air takes place. A nice, deep breath of fresh air. It’s like holding your breath underwater and then resurfacing to get some oxygen.
This in itself is life. Light and air is life. Banishing the darkness and stale air of the cell, life begins with The First Window.
Great job, SLSM!
And, if you would like to see more of my work, feel free to check out my latest piece of flash fiction: Mirror, Mirror.
I hope to see you again next week for another day of Fabulous Fiction.